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Lee Adams ……

As for watering cans, teapots and ashtrays (I may have made that up), I’m not hugely impressed but
they wouldn’t put me off. Cutlery though, it MUST be clean and I hate it when the bottom of plates at a car very feel grimy.
SERVICE
I’ve always been a sucker for great service. A smile goes a mile, but with too much talk I’ll walk. Getting that balance right is a big thing. How many folk are asked how their food is mid-mouthful? Also, you need cohesion between the staff. It’s great to be asked how things are, but not by everyone a minute apart. Having said that though, friendly staff who go the extra mile when it comes to children, dietary requirements or just being welcoming should always get an extra mark in my book.
FOOD QUALITY
As obvious as this category may seem, it doesn’t necessarily dictate a 10 out of 10 rating. The reason for that is that you have to know your desired place. Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is an American food show as I’m sure you all know and it covers many different kinds of eateries. There’s no point comparing a dive to a fine-dining restaurant when rating your food. Use your discretion, manage your expectations and rate a place accordingly…that’s my ethos anyway and I should really stick to it, although sometimes I don’t.
If you’re like me, you’ve looked at greasy kebabs shared on Foodies and thought that you wouldn’t give that a rat’s tail out of 10, and I’m not even referring to the deep-fried rat on this occasion (I’m not opening that can of worms…!), and yet folk have given it full marks! See it’s all about the time, the place and the desired result. Some food I see being rated a 10 makes my shit itch, but the great thing about enjoying food is that it is ‘all in the moment’.
REPUTATION
The reputation of a joint only goes so far for me. If it’s raved about and I don’t enjoy it, I admit that I’ll genuinely give it one more go based on how other folk have reviewed it. After that, you can take your reputation, wipe the grease from it and file it in the bin with your rotten tomatoes. A good reputation doth butter no parsnips; it’s no good being great and then getting lazy about it I’m afraid. Us Foodies are fickle beasts and we’ll change teams quicker than Newcastle fans did in the Keegan-era.
PRICE
This is a game-changer. Cheap and cheerful can be as worthy of full marks as much as a fine dining experience. In my opinion, even more so because I can’t eat a mouthful of quail eggs wrapped in Asparagus-soaked sticks with a smattering of gold dust on your 642nd course. No.
I like to pay for what I get and adjust the rating accordingly. If I want a hangover-curing fry up for £3 and it does what it says on the tin(ned food) then it’s getting a 10 from me. Equally, if I’m paying £60 for a chateaubriand I demand perfection and if they achieve that, it’s 10 again. Just don’t make my medium rare a well done or Foodies is gonna hear about it mate.
DELIVERY
If we’re rating takeaways then this is a big issue. It’s always great to have a happy and polite delivery driver, but I’m not convinced that we should factor that into the mark out of 10 when rating the bait. ** I once received a lovely cheque from a complete dickhead of a postman, but it cashed perfectly. Hopefully you see my point.
When it comes to delivery time though, I’d much prefer to be told the truth. Surely that is much nearer a perfect 10 rating than being lied to (or mistakenly misled) than it is to be told one thing and then have your ‘hanger’ pricked for the next hour thinking about what you were told? A late delivery isn’t the end of the world, but when you call to chase it up there’s nothing more frustrating than the old taxi-response: “he’s on his way”.
**That was a lie.
IN SUMMARY
I admit that I’ve had a problem with 10 out of 10 ratings in the past as the mark can be chucked around too easily, but writing this article has made me realise more than ever that it’s very much a case of each to their own. We all rate something every day, whether it’s something we eat or someone we meet, and it’s important to remember that however someone rates an experience it is THEIR experience, not yours. Personally, I don’t like dishing out full marks too easily, but for someone else the ingredients may be just right and it may also be the best they can afford or the best they could have in the circumstances….or perhaps they just had a bang-on experience. We’re Foodies, so it’s easy for us – we’re always a Perfect 10…but screw the Beautiful South, this is the Perfectly Harsh North and we’re proud.

1 comment

  1. Lorna Jade

    Absolutely fantastic !!

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